NO GREATER LOVEhas enraptured my heart, than that of my Kinsman Redeemer
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Original: 6/5/2006 12:06 PM
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Monday, June 05, 2006

 

CHAPTER 5

 

The sun streamed in the room, its heat waking Rondi from his sleep.  It took him a while to remember where he was and what had happened the previous twenty-four hours.  Melancholy filled his heart.  An apprehension at what would greet him this day, or more likely, fear of letting his guard down and blowing the cover that was set in place by obadiah and his father.  It was set in place, not just to protect the three travelers, but these good people who had taken them in and shown mercy with a sincerity that amazed him.

 

Movement from across the room drew Rondi’s attention to the figure of the beautiful Shayna.  She was preparing for the new day.  In the other corner sat Jeb.  He was leaning on the pillows that surrounded the table which was used for meal time, watching her.  It became suddenly very obvious the love that Jeb felt for Shayna.  It was splattered over every corner of his face; just as the love that was held for Jeb danced in the eyes of Shayna when she looked him.  They had been softly speaking to one another, and Rondi felt suddenly out of place.  Like a usurper of a time that should only be shared between a man and his wife ~ his wife!  Of course!

 

Shayna was the one to notice Rondi first as she joined her husband at the table.  Her smile of greeting to the lad was magnificent .  Once again heat made its way up the boy’s neck as he averted his eyes.  Seeing his wife’s smile, and the reaction from his young acquaintance, Jeb tried to cover the grin that spread across his face.  He didn’t want to embarrass his young guest.

 

“Good morning Master Jesse,” greeted Jeb. “Did you sleep well?”

 

“Yes.  Thankyou.  I must have been very tired. I don’t even remember lying down.”

 

“We noticed that it didn’t take you long to fall asleep." replied Shayna. 

 

Jed noticed Jesse moving to get out of bed. "Please, don’t get up.  You need to take it easy for the next few days, to rebuild your strength.  Take your morning meal in bed for today.”

 

“Thankyou, but I only eat in bed when I am sick, and I would prefer to join you if you don't mind.”  Rondi rose and walked slowly over to the table.  The blisters on his feet and the aching of his muscles making it hard to move with any speed. 

 

Sitting across from the young couple he felt a bit bolder, and looking at Jeb and Shayna sheepishly asked, “May I ask you both a favor?”

 

Jeb looked into the face of Rondi, “Yes, of course Master Jesse, anything.”

 

“Would you agree to call me just Jesse?  It would make me feel more comfortable.”  Rondi believed that this would be fine by his father as in the palace at home, his father allowed close friends to call him by his first name when not in public, and it would also waylay suspicion by anyone outside the clan if they heard a title being used.  Besides, being a guest in this couple’s home, he felt it only polite.

 

A friendly smile crossed Jeb’s face and he looked at his wife.  She returned the smile with agreement and they both looked back to the young prince.

 

Jeb nodded his recognition, “It would be an honor, Jesse.” Rondi returned the nod and started to eat his meal.

 

"Yes, thankyou Jesse," added Shayna.

 

“Do you know how my father is today?” asked the boy slowly.

 

Jed glanced at his wife,“I went before to look in on him.  He was sleeping peaceably and seemed to be without too much pain.  You must remember though, that his injuries will take quite a while to heal sufficiently to travel.”  It was barely noticeable, but Jeb’s face held a small frown as tried to convey to the lad the severity of the situation that Ammiel was in.

 

Rondi took a deep breath, “Please Jeb, what are his injuries?  I am a man now and feel that I have a right to know.”

 

Jeb looked the boy over; yes, according to Obadiah, this lad had shown considerable maturity in the handling of the situation that they had found themselves in after the attack.  He decided that the boy would not be much older than thirteen, the age of ceremonial manhood, yet he was right; he did have a right to know.

 

“Of course.  According to the healer, your father has broken his right thigh just about clean through.  He has bruises over much of his body and deep cuts on his upper arms, face and chest.  Thankfully there is no infection to speak of.  He is in good hands here, Jesse. Obadiah did the right thing bringing him here to his family.

 

 After taking a bite of his food Jebediah continued, "He has told us of the kindness that your family has extended to him, even though he came to your family as a slave.  He holds deep gratitude and respect for them; all of them, including you Jesse.” 

 

Those words would have made Rondi swell with pride; that is if he had heard them, but the lad had closed his eyes tightly as if to shut the world out.  Jeb noticed this and concern filled him.  What had this boy been through?  What had he seen to make him react in such a way? 

 

Gently, Jeb questioned him, “Jesse, what is it………….. What happened for your father to sustain such injuries?" No answer came. "It might ease your burden if you were to tell me. Please lad, I want to help you.” 

 

Silent words were exchanged between Jeb and Shayna, and when Rondi opened his eyes, it was to see Jeb helping Shayna up, her swollen belly making it too difficult on her own.  She finished clearing the table then with a nod in Jesse’s direction, and a reassuring squeeze of his shoulder, she left the house.  Jeb sat waiting patiently for an answer from Rondi; he could see that the lad wanted to tell him, but he needed time to get his thoughts into focus.

 

At last he began,“We had been traveling for six days when we came across a meadow in the lowlands.  It was a perfect place to hunt for deer. We had brought with us another three servants and the cook. They did the work around the camp while we practiced our hunting skills.  We left the camp with Obadiah and Charnel, father’s best friend early in the morning.   It was meant to be a celebration of my entering manhood.....”  Rondi looked up into Jeb’s face.  Jeb knew what he was thinking, the deep sadness written in those eyes told the story better than words.

 

“I hope you don't blame yourself for what happened  Jesse, none of this is your fault!”  Jeb’s voice was stern yet not harsh.  He wanted to get through to his young friend the truth.  He would not let this boy take the entire guilt on his young shoulders. He had seen that happen before when he was younger to his cousin, and knew the toll it had taken on him.  “You share no blame in what happened to your father and the other men.  It was the thugs who did this to you who are totally to blame."  Jebediah moved around the table to sit next to the boy who was now called a man.  He placed his hand on his arm for support, "Their hearts are blackened, Jesse, their intentions were evil and that is what they were out to achieve ~ evil.  Unfortunately it seems that you were just at the wrong place at the wrong time and felt the full brunt of it.” Jeb’s voice had gradually grown softer.  “Please, continue.”

 

Jesse had lowered his eyes to look at the table top.  As grateful as he was for his new friend’s wise words that had helped alleviate some of the guilt,  there was something more.  Something that he had heard that he knew he must keep to himself until he could speak to Obadiah by himself.  For the time being though, he would set it aside.

 

The lad continued, “We had been hunting for most of the morning and had killed two deer and tracked another four. When we drew near to the camp, we noticed that the the camp was unusually still compared to the other times that we came back at that time of the day. Normally Cook was having a fit about something or other that the other servants had done, or had forgotten to do........" Lines creased Rondi's brow as he remembered the other men and their antics.

 

"When we realised that it was too quiet, it was decided that Charnel would circle the camp to see what had happened to the others and circled through the trees to the left at the edge of the meadow.  Obadiah circled from the right and Father and I stayed where we were under the cover of the bushes looking for signs of what had happened. 

 

We did not even hear them coming until they were upon us. Father tried to protect me, but one of the men hit him over the head with a club and knocked him out cold.  I tried to fight them Jeb, I really did, but they were too strong and there were too many of them!” Eyes filled with tears fell on Jeb and he tightened his grip on the boy's arm.

 

“I know you did lad, I know you did,” comforted Jeb.

 

Rondi went on, “I tried to call out for Obadiah, but they had gagged me.  I thought that it would probably be better for Father and me if I didn’t struggle too much.  I guessed that they were thieves and that if we just gave them what they wanted, they might have left us alone.”

 

“That was good thinking Lad,........... but that's not what happened, is it?”

 

“No."  It was obviously getting more difficult for Rondi to speak.  "I didn’t know until they had taken us back to the camp that they had already killed the other men.  They didn’t have a chance, Jeb, they were all unarmed when they were attacked." Rondi had to bite his bottom lip to keep it from shaking, "They mutilated them; not just killed them, but mutilated them.  It was horrible.”  Rondi took a sip from the cup of water that was in front of him.  He would never forget that sight.  Broken and torn bodies were strewn in every direction.  The force at which the servants must have been hit was mind-boggling.  It was the ugliest thing he had ever seen; well maybe the second ugliest.  The look of evil in the eyes of the murderers and the pleasure that the killings had obviously bought them would have to have been the ugliest!  Such depredation he had heard of on the battlefield, but not taken against a few unarmed men.  The fact that there were such people in the world was a lesson that he would not soon forget.

 

Jeb noticed the haunted look in Rondi’s eyes; heard the grief in his words, saw the tears that spilt over and down his face.  He shared his sorrow, but he knew that the boy had to let it out so it wouldn't damage him beyond repair.  Jebediah urged him on.

 

“It was about then that Father regained consciousness.  They had him tied and bound and I could see that the way that they had tied him, it would have taken a knife to free him. 

 

He tried to negotiate with them for my life.  He promised them that if they let me go that he would provide them with details of riches beyond their dreams, but they just laughed at him. 

 

It was about then that they bought Obadiah in, bound and gagged.  He was bleeding from his ear and unconscious like Father had been.  Father told them that we were expecting a party to join us and that they were expected at any time, but the men just jeered at him and the leader came over and pulled Father's head back by his hair. Then he spat in his face before he stood back up and started to kick into him like a madman.  The others just stood by and laughed!"  Shaking his head as if in a daze at the cruel memory of what had taken place, Rondi suddenly lifted his reddened eyes to his companion's face.

 

 Jeb, what makes a man do that to another man, especially when he can't defend himself?” Rondi returned his eyes back to the table in front of him, yet not seeing it.

 

There was no easy answer to that question and Jeb was glad when he realized that the boy hadn't  meant him to.  After a while, the lad continued.

 

"After the leader had finished kicking my father, he picked up a long, thin branch and started to whip him with it.  I thought that he was finished with him when he had stopped kicking him, but no........ when he started whipping him, he seemed even angrier than before. He just kept thrashing and, and thrashing him with it........ I didn't think he was ever going to stop!

 

When he finally did  stop, he motioned for the others to bring Obadiah over to him.  He pulled a long knife from one of the men’s belts.  I couldn't believe it!  He was going to run it through Obadiah, even though he was still unconscious.  I tried to pray, but I just couldn't manage to find any words.  I closed my eyes because I didn't want to watch.  When I heard the sound of arrows through the air and the sound of one of the men gasping, I opened my eyes just in time to see on of the thugs falling  forward.  It was then that I saw the two arrows that were sticking out of his back.

 

 There was a mad scramble for cover.  Within no time, the Leader was yelling for the other men to find where the arrows were coming from.  Charnel killed another two of the men with his hunting bow and arrows and we could hear a mad fight taking place in the woods.  Suddenly I realized that Father had somehow slid over to where the long knife had been dropped and forgotten about and had cut himself free. He then passed the knife on to Obadiah without anyone seeing him.  When the leader came back again and saw Father unfettered, he went into another rage.  I tried to call out to him, to warn him, but I still had that infernal gag in my mouth. 

 

He ran at Father, knocked him down and picked up the huge, heavy piece of metal that the cook used sometimes to cook on, and brought it down as hard as he could on my father’s leg.  I still can hear the sound of the metal crushing my father’s bone.”  Rondi stopped for another sip of his water before he continued.

 

“Father didn’t move again after that.  Obadiah had cut himself free and was headed towards the leader when another thug came at him and they started fighting.  I don’t know what happened to the head butcher after that.  He was gone when I looked back to see what he was doing. He must have escaped.  Jeb,I will never forget that man's face."  Jeb knew that he wouldn't and grieved for innocence lost. 

 

"When Obadiah had finished with the man, he got up and released me from my bonds.  He told me to stay with my father and gave me the knife that he and Father had used.  He went into the woods where we could still hear voices yelling, but came out later by himself.  He picked up Father, and told me to follow.  He placed Father on the back of Warrior and led us quietly away from the fighting.  I asked him later what had happened in the woods and where Charnel was, but all he said was that “Charnel had given his life for his Prince”, and left it at that."  Rondi paused as if to think for a while.  Once he started his story again, his voice seemed to have found a renewed strength.

 

"I don’t know what happened in the woods, but I know that if Obadiah made the decision to leave right then, then that was the right decision to make.” Jeb was surprised to see the sudden fire in Rondi’s eyes as they darted back to him; it was as if the lad was daring him to disagree with Obadiah’s decision.

  

 Right then, the admiration that Jebediah had held for his cousin multiplied as he realized the respect that he had gained in the eyes of his young master and his father. He had seen the bond between all three, and knew that it was rare to see such relationship between masters and their servant.

 

Jeb just nodded his agreement with Obadiah’s decision.  That was enough to subdue the young fellow once more.  Rondi ran his hands over his face, a sigh of weariness returned to his voice.

 

"When we were far enough away, we used the knife to cut branches to make the stretcher and used the ropes that had bound us to tie it together and fasten it to Warrior.  We hardly stopped in all the days that it took for us to get here; we walked day and night.”  Jeb could see the toll that this experience had taken on the boy.  His story obviously over, Jeb decided that it was time to change the subject.

 

“Are you up to seeing your Father yet, do you think?” Jeb spoke softly to the lad.

 

Rondi’s eyes lifted from the table at once, “Yes.  Please!”

 

“Then come.”

 

~«<>»♦«<>»~

 

© Narelle Willmott 2006

Not to be copied unless by express permission of author.

I hope that you enjoyed reading chapter 5.  Please, if you have been reading 'For This Cause' please leave a comment, or if you are not a xangarian (0;`~ please e-mail me.  My blog name that you send it to is narellew2.  I would love to have your feedback!!!
Anyhow, blessings to you yours from me and mine!
From your Aussie sis' in Christ,
Narelle
 Posted 6/5/2006 12:06 PM - 66 Views - 32 eProps - 20 comments

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20 Comments

Visit rachelstarr's Xanga Site!
Hello Narelle! I just finished reading this chapter. My only criticism of it is that it is pretty much solid dialogue, with little actually happening. When you go to write a second draft, you might want to try mixing this up with action, tension, even flashbacks.
Posted 6/5/2006 12:29 PM by rachelstarr - reply

Visit BrioGirl4God's Xanga Site!

Hey Narelle!  Awesome chapter!  I liked it because it explained a lot of things that I've been wondering...namely, why in the world were Rondi and Co. fleeing in the first place, and from whom?  This helped lots.  Not to mention it really made me realize what Rondi has been through...as a thirteen year old, witnessing that violence and cruelty, that would mark him terribly.  You did a good job describing the violence that occured.

However, I do agree with Rachel T. -- it needs more action, facial expressions, in short, more emotions.  But take heart, that's what happens in the second draft.  :)

Good job!  ;)

Posted 6/5/2006 4:08 PM by BrioGirl4God - reply

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This is better.  Still not up to it's potential, maybe, but much better.  :)  I like the inserts that you added.  This scene is a very big one, because it gives us more insight to Rondi's feelings.  Keep that in mind whenever you're editing it (please don't focus too much on the editing before the story is done.  I know first hand how difficult that is *grimace*).  You've done a great job laying the foundation for it, and now we want to see chapter 6.  *grin*  I'm serious, get writing!  Don't dwell on past chapters more than necessary, you've got them saved on your computer and you can tend to them later.  ;)

Love ya!

Posted 6/6/2006 2:00 PM by BrioGirl4God - reply

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At last we get to know what happened to the men.  Now we just have to wonder if and when they will meat up again.  This was a really great section and I enjoyed it greatly.  You wrote the part about "Jesse" so well, how he explained everything that he and his father and Obadiah had been through.  It was just fantastic.

Kate

Posted 6/6/2006 5:36 PM by dulcimerkid401 - reply

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Narelle, it's sweet to see Rondi's attempts at being a man, and the kindness of Jeb in treating him with such understanding and respect. I think Obadiah's stock just went up in Jeb's eyes. That was a nice touch!

BTW, you called Jeb "Jed" in one sentence: "Jed was surprised to see the sudden fire in Rondi’s eyes as they darted back to him..." Just a tiny typo. Keep up the good work!
Posted 6/6/2006 9:49 PM by jbronte - reply

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I loved the dialogue. The little comments about how "Jesse" said something, or felt about something in Jeb's eyes were great. Someone mentioned actions, I don't think you need flashback, but would a young man like Rondi just sit at a table calmly retelling the story? OK, it wasn't calmly retelling, but still.

I really enjoyed it, showing how Rondi's father was injured (OUCH!!!) how they were set upon by thugs and bandits (Those men!) and a little more of the mutual respect among the three (aahh).

Take care.
Posted 6/8/2006 9:09 AM by AnotherSecondMommy - reply

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Doing great, girlie. Keep it up. I have one suggestion for the editing stage. When you have Rondi's dialogue followed by Jeb's reaction, give more transitions between them so we don't get confused about whose reaction we're seeing. The parts where you had Rondi doing something between paragraphs were good. Try using a new paragraph when you start to describe Jeb's reaction. I think that would help a lot. It might make for some short paragraphs, but there's nothing wrong with that. That was the only thing that I would say didn't flow just right.

I posted some more of my story, so stop by to see it when you get the chance.

You are such a blessing. I hope you're having a great day.
Posted 6/8/2006 9:25 PM by RainingButterflies - reply

Visit Moonlit_Seraph's Xanga Site!
Yay! I finally got a chance to read your story!! It's great! I love it, I'm finding myself begging for more!!!! I have a question though. Is Eiroln and Elias the same person?? i think that's all i wanted to know. Keep writing, i NEED more!! :)
Posted 6/11/2006 2:54 PM by Moonlit_Seraph - reply

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LOL, you did comment on DM! Just under this name! LOL, well, I am glad you loved it. Your right, it could have tons of stories that would go with it. In fact, it does, of course non of thse are written on paper. There are far too many versions for me to chose on. Though I do like your title! We will jut have to wait and see I guess.
And I see YOU have added more chapters!!!! I will have to come back during the week and read up on your story. That will be something to look forward too. For now, talk to you later!
Posted 6/19/2006 5:34 PM by Dream_Mountain - reply

Visit human_labyrinth's Xanga Site!
Hey Muñeca!!!

I finally read your story .....(dramatic pause) and I love it . You are doing such a great job and I like it that you are increasing the length of your posts.

The only thing I have to ask is when it says: "...I asked him later what had happened in the woods and where Charnel was, but all he said was that “Charnel had given his life for his Prince”, and left it at that."  Is this going to blow their cover saying that Charnel gave his life for his prince or did I miss something?

Anyway I am hooked and I am the one wanting to read more,

 

Keep up the good work, post some more story girl.

 

Love,

 

Eve

Posted 7/1/2006 11:46 PM by human_labyrinth - reply

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Just read your first chapters of this... I enjoy the way you start with them on the run and then go back and explain just why they're in the straits that they're in. It's a technique I've been meaning to try, but most of my books seem to start out fairly mundane. :)
Posted 7/26/2006 10:20 AM by Liosliath - reply

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Thanks for the Royal treatment! I know I can always count on you to make me feel like a princess.

PS I will look for more pics to send you.

Posted 7/27/2006 12:58 AM by human_labyrinth - reply

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Greetings - I'm Carrie, I'm a friend of the Thomson's and I love to read. While poking around different sites I came across yours. I have enjoyed reading "For This Cause". I'll be looking forward to reading more.
Posted 7/31/2006 1:01 PM by C1R18I5 - reply

Visit Moredhel's Xanga Site!
okay, it's gonna look really funny on this site... but that makes it all the better.
Posted 8/1/2006 10:10 PM by Moredhel - reply

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Um, it's only my way of making money. People normally oppose my calls... because i'm the ref and their child is never in the wrong. i am.
Posted 8/1/2006 10:11 PM by Moredhel - reply

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note that she didn't undress first... she was putting on a second layer.
Posted 8/1/2006 10:11 PM by Moredhel - reply

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and yes, that was naughty.

Posted 8/1/2006 10:11 PM by Moredhel - reply

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In spite of my poor English , Narelle , I succeeded to read the all of the chapter 5 . You relate very well the feeling of Jesse and the horror that he has just lived . The relation between master and servant disappear face such drama and it remains only human relationship .
 You have a great style . This is easy to read . And keep the suspense . I suppose there will be a chapter 6 !

Encouragements

Love        Michel

Posted 8/7/2006 9:33 AM by fauquet Xanga True Member Xanga Premium Member - reply

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I feel honored that you left me a comment that led me to your story ... a peek into a part of you that I didn't know anything about! Though, with such an imagination as yours, I'm not surprised!

I sat here and read all 5 chapters in one sitting! It was a story worth reading and kept my interest very well. I'm looking forward to what happens next. But I cannot presume to think that I have any literary suggestions that would be of any use to you. I'm extremely untrained in this area.

I have some interest in writing although I have not really written much yet. A friend of mine was encouraging me to try it and I started a story about 2 years ago with her help. She was VERY enthusiastic about what I accomplished. She was part of a writer's club here. But then she passed away (Lou Gehrig's disease) about a year and a half ago and I haven't even looked at my story since then. My family is constantly trying to encourage me to take it up again. But I guess I lost my momentum and I can't seem to find it again. Maybe sometime, though ... reading what you have written tempts me a little to try again.

Looking forward to chatting with you sometime soon. Again, thank you. I am honored.

Love,
~Sandi~
Posted 8/30/2006 3:17 PM by Estrella_Mama - reply

Visit Jesswierd's Xanga Site!

Woah! I have FINALLY read your story! It's very good Narelle!

Can't wait for the next chapter!

Posted 9/8/2006 6:16 PM by Jesswierd - reply


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