NO GREATER LOVEhas enraptured my heart, than that of my Kinsman Redeemer
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Original: 4/9/2006 12:59 PM
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Sunday, April 09, 2006

 

Chapter 2 

 

Obadiah had been gone for quite a while as Rondi sat next to his Father’s sleeping frame.  He instinctively watched his father’s chest as it rose and fell in rhythm with his own breathing.  Rondi knew that sleep was his father’s best allay at the moment, yet he still felt uncomfortable seeing his father this way, rather than the strong, able bodied man that he looked up to with adoring eyes.  This was his father who he knew would unswervingly give his life for his family.  For some reason knowing that he was now the protector rather than the protected left an unnerving sensation in the pit of his stomach.   “I guess this is what it means to be a man,” sighed the young prince. The now familiar prayer once again filled his heart. “Adonai, help me not to let my Father down.  He needs me now more than ever to be the man that he has trained me to be.”  A large lump formed in the throat of the lad, threatening to pour out all the emotion that Rondi had fought valiantly to keep at bay since the attack.  It was no use.  As much as he tried, Prince Rondi’s turbulent emotions bubbled over his soul, threatening to drown him, so he did what he needed to do; he cried.

 

~«<>»♦«<>«~ 

 

“Sire.  Sire, wake up.  Prince Rondi, wake up.”  Rondi awoke with a jolt and looked up into the face of the man-servant Obadiah.

 

“Sire, I’m back.  It is time we prepared to go.”  Rondi shook his head in an attempt to arouse himself from the cloud of grogginess that seemed to surround him.

 

“What.  Go where Obadiah?”

 

“To my uncle’s home.”

 

“Of course.”  A sudden thought hit Rondi, “Father, is he alright?  Oh, how long have I been asleep?  Has he woken, Obadiah?”  The thought of letting his father down bought a new wave of emotion to the young teenager and once more threatened to spill over.  He looked anxiously over to where his father lay.  Thankfully, he was still fast asleep.  He couldn’t understand what was wrong with him.  Rondi was not the kind of person who would cry easily.  Obadiah must have read the battle of emotions that ran across the young prince’s face.

 

“Thankyou Obadiah,” said the young boy, looking

“Sire, do not concern yourself that you slept.  I, for one, am glad that you did. You will now be ready to meet what lies ahead of us today with greater strength; both of mind and body.  Your father, I’m sure would agree with me.”

 

"Thankyou Obadiah, said the young boy, looking earnestly into the older man's eyes.  "I promise to be ready for whatever you call upon me for."

 

“I have no doubt about that, young master.  No doubt at all.”  Rondi did not miss the look of pride on his father’s servant’s face.  He suddenly felt an energy rise that had been evading him over the last couple of days.  He had gained the respect that now showed in this courageous man’s eyes, and that was something that not many could stand claim to.

 

~«<>»♦«<>»~

 

Obadiah roused his master from sleep to speak to him after giving the young Prince the task of packing what was left of the provisions and taking the horse for one last drink before the next leg of the journey began.  He did not want the lad to hear what he had to say.

 

“Prince Ammiel, Your Highness, I have food .”  Ammiel opened his eyes and looked at his servant dazedly.  Realizing what was being offered to him, he gingerly raised his hand to accept the food, wincing with pain from the effort.

 

“Where are we?”

 

“We are about five miles from Brandemon.  I have not  been back long and have news that I knew you would want to hear.  Your Highness, while I was in the city, I saw a couple of the men that belonged to the gang that had attacked us.  They seemed to be enquiring of the locals for some reason.  I can guess that they were asking if anyone had seen us.  I followed them around for as long as I thought wise, then left the city through the east gate before making my way back here.  I took precautions to make sure that no one could follow me, sir.” 

 

“Well done Obadiah.  I know of you’re stealth first hand don’t I?”  The last was said with the corners of Ammiel’s mouth up-lifted slightly.  His loyal man servant had caught him out on many occasions when he was young, in situations that were deemed as ‘improper for a young prince to be found participating in’. 

 

He dragged his wondering attention back to the face of the man standing before him.  "What have you got planned?"  

 

“I believe that the sooner that we get to my Uncle’s farm, the better.  He will have servants as well as other family members to help protect you.  That brings up another topic that I wish to speak to you about, Sire.” 

 

Ammiel could see that this line of conversation was beginning to make Obadiah quite uncomfortable, yet the man servant continued on, “Highness, it has been twenty years since I last saw my Uncle and his family.  We did not part on the best of terms.  It was from his home that I was taken by the guards and sold into slavery because of my gambling debts.   I have bought embarrassment and disdain upon his household.” 

 

Ammiel regarded this information solemnly.  “Do you believe that there is a chance that we may be turned away?” 

 

“I do not believe that my uncle, if he still lives would have it in him to do so, though it has been twenty years and I have had no word of them since I was taken away.  He was a godly man back then, Sire.  He followed the ways of Adonai  and walked in them daily” 

 

“How did you get along with the other members of your family at the time?” 

 

No matter how discomforting this line of questioning was to Obadiah, he knew that it must be so.  “My younger cousins looked up to me.  They were quite a bit younger than me, the eldest maybe ten years my junior.  Their parents made sure to raise them in the ways of the ancient text and when I left, they were well versed in the disciplines.  It is to my shame that I did not follow in the footprints of my uncle and cousins.  I might  have paid back their kindness to me with comfort instead of pain." Obadiah, as he had added the last, had spoken with eyes downcast; loathe to seeing the respect that he had earned from his master fall from his face. 

 

“Obadiah, it was your family’s unfortunate loss that became our family’s gain.  You know, I never did believe for a moment that slavery had been your choice of career.”  The last had been said with a mild hint of amused sarcasm which was  the prince’s more usual form of tone.  Obadiah looked up to see a twinkle flash across his masters eyes, but it was gone just as fast as it came.

 

Just then the foot fall of the boy and horse was heard swishing through the tall grass.  “I must teach him how to move without making so much sound when we are out of danger.”  Obadiah thought quickly to himself.  Looking over to his son, Ammiel continued the conversation, “I wonder if is it wise to reveal our identity to your clan under such circumstances?”

 

“I was thinking the same thing on my way back from Brandemon.  I believe that no matter what we find among my people, it would be safer for you and for them if they did not know your true identities.  That way, if asked by outsiders who their visitors are, they will not be put in danger by anyone who may still be searching for us.”  Rondi had sat down next to his father’s stretcher, immersed in the conversation that was taking place before him.  His father, realizing that his son  now understood what needed to be done queried, “So Rondi, what shall your new name be?”  Rondi looked into his father’s eyes, mischief playing in the youth’s features.

 

“Well Father, it is not that I am suffering from a lack of names to choose from." The lad was pleased to see the edge of his father's mouth lift with amusement, "You have named me once, and I have been quite content with your choice, as have my brothers and sisters to the best of my knowledge.  I believe that considering you have the most experience and skill in the art of naming, you should continue on with the custom now.”

 

A low, amused sound echoed from Prince Ammiel’s throat before he could stop it from escaping.  The pain that it afforded was acute, but the father counted it well worth it to see his son smile again.  Even Obadiah had to turn away from them to hide his amusement, though his mirth was evident in the slight shake of his broad shoulders.

 

~«<>»♦«<>»~

 

© Narelle Willmott 2006

Not to be copied unless by express permission of author.

 

 

So, what do you think?  Please leave a comment, whether good, bad or indifferent.  Actually, forget the last two.  If you feel it is bad or indifferent, just lie!  *wink* Helpful suggestions will be taken with much thanks.

 Posted 4/9/2006 12:59 PM - 125 Views - 18 eProps - 14 comments

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14 Comments

Visit thegoatsmom's Xanga Site!
I am really getting into this story.  I hope you'll have time to update regularly.  You are very descriptive.  I've got all three characters pictured in my mind.  (I'm sure I'll be disappointed when the movie comes out.)
Posted 4/9/2006 4:22 PM by thegoatsmom - reply

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No, the tornadoes missed us. We didn't really even get any rain where I am.
Posted 4/9/2006 5:01 PM by RainingButterflies - reply

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Hey Narelle,

I'm going to have to give myself some time soon to sit down and read through your story! I will very soon... I hope.

As for your candid thoughts on the new version of P&P: I don't hate you at all, though I have a feeling you knew that. Yes, it's true, I loved this version of P&P, but at the same time, I noticed all the same things you did. The only reason I like this Darcy at all was because he did seem to me to be going through a great inward struggle. Perhaps it did come out as surly, but I don't really fault him for it--I couldn't tell ya why. For me, I kind of disliked the movie when I saw it in the theater, but when my mom bought it and I watched it more and more, I've grown to like it almost as much as the A&E version. However, if the first Darcy/Elizabeth propsal in the rain followed by intense arguing scene had been made differently, I think I could trash-talk the film as readily as you do. But, as it is, that one scene pretty much makes the film for me. Still, I like the A&E version best, followed by the version of Persuasion with all the rotten teeth, followed by this newer P&P. I just love anything Jane Austen.

Thanks for your rousing commentary.

<3Libby
Posted 4/10/2006 12:03 AM by violetlilly - reply

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Bravo!   Bravo!  It's very good.  I want to know what happens.  I feel that it is only fair that I get to demand more story out of you since you demand more story out of me (which is coming along rather nicely).  I didn't really see anything that was to horrible.  There was one thing but now I can't remember what it was.  When I get a moment later I will try to go back through and see if I can find it.  Right now I don't have time to.  I have to read some of "The Secret Life of Bees" and then I am going to work on my story and then I have tutoring.  Life just doesn't ever slow down.

Good job on the story.  Keep up the good work kido.  Hehe, kido.  Well I'll talk to you later.

Kate

Posted 4/10/2006 3:46 PM by dulcimerkid401 - reply

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Hey Narelle! As always thank you for your comments and for following my story... it's encouraging :). Greyhawk never seemed to fit the character, whereas Sparrowhawk has significance on a few different levels.
I read through this site yesterday :). I think the problem you're detecting isn't wordiness ("too many words"), it's too much exposition. I can give you a critique if you're interested, but I warn you that it might upset the apple cart a little more than you want to write now. It's nothing that can't be ironed out in a second draft, but then again, it might make things easier now... all of this is my much too wordy way of saying that if you'd like my critique, let me know and I'll email you about it :).
Posted 4/10/2006 6:36 PM by rachelstarr - reply

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Awwww... no need to be nervous. These things really aren't very scary, I promise. I'll write you a good email about it on Wednesday; right now I have to go to bed before my head falls off, and tomorrow I'm at my aunt's all day. If I forget on Wednesday you have my permission to do something drastic.
Posted 4/10/2006 11:23 PM by rachelstarr - reply

Visit dulcimerkid401's Xanga Site!

Now that I look at my piece after reading what you said I agree totally.  I think it should be a slow thing for Ruby to fall for J.P.  I was trying to write this while helping my little sister with a story of hers so I guess I learned something.  Don't have a conversation with your little sister while you are trying to work.  I think that when I get time this week I will try to rewrite that section so that it sounds a little better.  Thanks for giving me such great advice.

Kate

Posted 4/11/2006 9:49 AM by dulcimerkid401 - reply

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I am hosting another writing tag.  If you are interested in joining, please stop by and let me know.  :)

Rachel :)

PS  I will get to reading this.  Just not at this moment.  :)

Posted 4/11/2006 2:16 PM by anavrea - reply

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Pray tell, what is a nort?  As usual, you had me rolling.  ;)  LOL  Purple poka-dot donkeys, oh my.  :)

On a more serious note, I am delighted you are joining us.  I can't tell you what the story will be about, because even I don't know, yet, but I am sure you will write beautifully as usual.  :)

Posted 4/11/2006 5:46 PM by anavrea - reply

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Great job!  I am curious about what is going to happen next.  :)  I agree with Rachel T. that it does seem a bit bogged down with exposition.  However the conversations, when taken out of the extra stuff are very interesting.  I liked the ending especially.  :)

Try writing how you would speak if you were telling this story to your daughters.  I know that you are usually colorfully descriptive in ways that don't quite fit the nature of this tale, if your comments are a sample.  :)  But I think that if you tried that, it might come across more smoothly.  It is just a tentative suggestion.  ;)  Over all, I liked it.  :)  Keep writing!!!

Posted 4/11/2006 6:22 PM by anavrea - reply

Visit rachelstarr's Xanga Site!
Hurrah; I do believe you're unbogged :). Just keeping leaking the past out through your characters' words, actions, and responses... it's all much more interesting that way :). Good work!
Posted 4/21/2006 11:30 PM by rachelstarr - reply

Visit stirredfromwithin's Xanga Site!

I'm loving it!!!! Awesome story line and I'm in love with your characters. They have so much... well... character. :) That's probably the hardest thing for me to do is establish good characters.

Sorry that I haven't been on xanga much. I'm having a wonderful time with my life lately and that just seems to suck away at the online time. :) 

I truly love your story and am excited to see the rest as it comes along.

Posted 4/22/2006 2:03 AM by stirredfromwithin - reply

Visit lornakatsy's Xanga Site!

Hello Narelle,

I am jus an avid reader of christian romance and this one looks like a taker.. I will be sure to give you my comments once i am done reading For this cause. Thank you for writing it.

Lorna

Posted 5/26/2006 9:03 AM by lornakatsy - reply

Visit ThrawnLives88's Xanga Site!
Good addition to the story with Obidaih finding out about the bandits behind them. Very interesting how he became a slave. Keep it up!
Posted 9/2/2006 2:33 PM by ThrawnLives88 - reply


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